Do you remember the first little white lie you ever told? I was around five I think, and I lied about something I did but didn’t want to get in trouble. As kids we grow up to learn that lying is bad, and as a parent lying is not something I want my kids to do. In fact, both my boys know the way I feel about lying and that basically without honesty a relationship has no trust. Even if they did something wrong, we can always work through it, but I cannot help them, if they lie about the situation.
What happens though if you have a child who tells so much of the truth you wish he’d lie? That would be Trace. Trace has no filter when it comes to saying what he thinks. If he does something wrong, he is the first to tell on himself. Sure, he’s scared he will get in trouble, but he’s admitted he’s more afraid of not telling the truth.
So there we were in Walmart one day shopping for stuff. A lady was looking at chocolate bars. She was fluffy – my definition of someone overweight, much like myself. She looked at Trace and asked him what chocolate bar should she get. My son replies: “Do you think you need one?” All the color drained from my face, and I swear I wanted to throttle him on the spot.
We talked about what he said once we got to the car and I tried to explain to him how it was rude. He was confused. “But I didn’t lie mama,” he said to me. Okay, maybe not. He said what he felt. Yes, he told his truth. However, I explained to him he could have used different words instead of being blunt and rude. That’s when he asked me: “So it’s okay to lie sometimes?”
I sat for a bit and thought about Trace’s question and I realized how tough it was to give him an answer. I mean I’m an adult and I know it’s wrong to lie, however I still lie about things.
Why Do People Lie?
- They don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings by telling the truth
- To keep a secret like a surprise party
- To get out of doing something they don’t want ie: go to work, school
- To avoid talking to or seeing someone they had an appointment with
- To avoid the truth about one’s self.
- To avoid getting into trouble
This whole lying thing isn’t as easy as I thought it was. How do you explain to kids that sometimes it’s okay to fib or tell a white lie. That’s when I decided to let the boys watch Liar Liar starring Jim Carrey on Netflix. I asked my boys to imagine what it would be like if they couldn’t lie about anything. What if everything that came out of their mouth was God’s truth, no matter who it hurt. Trace said he’d have no more friends LOL, and my oldest said his girlfriend would most likely leave him.
Netflix has some great shows on teaching your kids about lying, some for adult too! After we watched the movie, I explained to my kids that lying, although lying isn’t right because if we lie how will others believe or trust us. But also that telling the complete truth, what you think and feel about someone, isn’t always great either. You have to find your words, not hurt others, but find a way to be honest to them and yourself.