Sometimes I hate life. The moment you think things are going good – BAM! Something happens to thrust you into another spinning turmoil of crap you have to deal with. Last year I went through a series of issues, Vertigo is one of the major issues in my life that caused me so much turmoil. It caused me to become extremely depressed. Well now, lucky me, my Vertigo is back. Not in a good way either. It’s worse than before, which I’m not sure that’s even possible because it was pretty bad before.
What is Vertigo?
Vertigo is a feeling of dizziness you cannot control. It happens when you move too quickly. Imagine being drunk. Way too drunk and the room begins to spin. Then you are hit with the overwhelming feeling to vomit. You lose balance. Fear and anxiety strike you and your heart begins to palpitate. It’s awful! It’s back and I don’t know how to deal with it.
Vertigo isn’t fun. I hate it and I’m really ticked that I’m left to dealing with it again. We discovered last time my vertigo was caused by the mold in the unit I was living in. Once the mold was removed my vertigo disappeared. It’s been almost a year since I had an episode.
That is until last week.
The first episode wasn’t so bad. I got up quickly and instantly felt dizzy. Being that I have had Vertigo before, I immediately knew what to expect. I focused my eyes on one object and it went away.
The second, third and fourth episode this past weekend were similar. I just felt dizzy and had to focus and it went away almost instantly.
Last night’s episode hit me hard! It wasn’t the same. It was a full-blown Vertigo attack where I passed out in my husband’s arms and ended up on the floor on my hands and knees yelling at him not to touch me because the sensation to vomit was so terrible. My heart was racing. My legs felt numb. My head pounding, as I just laid on the floor and cried and cried.
Let’s just say it wasn’t much fun.
I think the worst part for me is the feeling of no control. Feeling unbalanced and as if gravity is stealing me away. That and the sudden urge to apologize, almost like having a seizure. You just go through the episode and then you suddenly feel stupid because you couldn’t help those helping you and stop the worry and fear you feel from them.
I’m heading to the doctors today to discuss the situation and let him know what’s going on. I hope this time he can help me and it doesn’t take a year as it took before and we actually figured out what is wrong and why.
Wish me luck!