It’s hard to believe Thanksgiving is this weekend, and along with it my 43 rd birthday. Yikes!
Actually, to tell you the truth being in my 40’s has’t been so bad. The one thing I have come to realize is that life is always changing and we are changing with it.
I have two amazing boys ages 17 and 10. I was 33 when I had my last, and looking back I was such a different person then. I didn’t have the lines above my eyes, the bags under them. I worried about absolutely everything. I stressed about life, bills, people, my family.
It was also a time where I became a special needs mom, entering a new area where I knew nothing about parenting or even how to parent properly, a child with issues.
When I was in my 20’s all I cared about was making ends meat, where the next party was and how to make my dead end relationship work. Kids didn’t even come into play.
When you’re young, you don’t think about where life is taking you. At least, I didn’t. I had no worries about my future or which direction I was headed. But I also had no ambition either.
It’s funny how as time goes on life changes. In my 30’s everything changed. I met and married the most wonderful man ever. I had another baby. And I found my ambition.
I became a freelance writer and entered the world of blogging. I published my first two articles for Chicken Soup for the Soul, and I haven’t looked back.
Blogging opened me up to a world within myself I never knew existed. I started to learn things about me. Things I didn’t like. Things I did like. And how to change and grow.
Through the years my boys have grown and changed as well. One is now graduating this January about to embark on his own life. The other is turning eleven and entering the world of girls, hanging out with friends and not needing me as much.
I think that’s been one of the hardest things for me to deal with. Learning to let go as a parent. Understanding it’s my job to be here and to guide, but now my children will be starting their own lives, making their own decisions, which left me wondering. Where on earth do I go from here?
Over the years I’ve grown as a person. I look back at all that I’ve endured. Domestic Violence. Miscarriage. Marital Issues. Parenting Problems and the Loss of Loved Ones.
I’ve dealt with Agoraphobia, Bipolar Disorder, Anxiety Attacks, Seizures, Vertigo and fears so bad I refused to leave the house. I’ve lost friends. I’ve lost jobs. I’ve moved again and again.
But it wasn’t until two very major things happened to me that I realized life can’t be put into this little box of control. Life is out of control. It’s messy. It’s busy. It’s frightening.
The first big thing was that I almost lost my mom several times this past year. One so close, my heart almost burst out of my chest with fear. My mom is the one person who means everything to me. Yet, I couldn’t help what she was going through. It was very difficult to deal with.
The second was being diagnosed with cervical cancer and having to deal with the real possibility I might not be on this earth anymore. Another scary thought.
But through it all, I came to realize I don’t need one special day to be thankful for everything I have in my life, or to know how quickly it could all fall apart, and to truly cherish what you have.
For the first time in my life I’m happy with who I am. Sure, there are still things I’d like to change. I walk a little slower. I’m out of breath a little more. I wear glasses because I can’t read what’s in front of me. I have aging lines that shape around my mouth and eyes. I get tired more easily. But I’m okay in my own skin and with how I treat people and how I love people, most of all how I love me.
In January I’m embarking on a new adventure as I take this blog into a new direction. I truly hope you follow along with me. But I wish to thank you for sharing, caring and being here with me all these years.
Be thankful always. Not just this weekend. Be thankful for your family and your friends. Be thankful for who you are and love yourself. Be thankful for your achievements and if you haven’t achieved what you want out of life. Don’t give up. Each day is a new day. One that you should always cherish.
Happy Thanksgiving. What are you most thankful for?