I sat on the edge of the table, legs spread as wide as they could go. The doctor’s head between them, I felt ridiculous, embarrassed, uncomfortable and scared. I have been feeling scared ever since my general doctor gave me back the results of my pap telling me they found some abnormalities. I held my breath and waited, tears flooded my eyes while Forgetful Dad held my hand and told me to breathe. Then it was over.
I couldn’t stop my legs from twitching as we waiting in the room for the doctor to come back in. He sat down and took a long sigh. That’s when he told me. I have cancer in my cervix.
The words didn’t quite register at first. I mean you hear all the time about people having cancer but never dream it could be you. That kinda stuff only happens to other people. I never realized how wrong I was. I also had no idea there were signs and symptoms to cervical cancer.
Signs of Cervical Cancer
- abnormal vaginal bleeding
- spotting or blood stained discharge between periods
- unusually long or heavy periods
- bleeding after sexual intercourse
- bleeding after douching
- bleeding or bloody discharge from the vagina after menopause
- pain during sex
- clear, watery discharge
- foul-smelling discharge
The doctor explained I have three areas inside my cervix that are lit up with cancer. He is going to do a procedure called a Leep. This is done by getting another Colposcopy exam, using a wire cutter so to speak and cutting along the lining of the tissue to remove the cancerous cells and prevent it from spreading further. Sounds fun doesn’t it?
I will be put out for the surgery which should only take 10 minutes. I had a hard time with the Colposcopy exam and so the doctor doesn’t want to risk cutting something he shouldn’t. I will also be taking a vaccine to help with the non-spreading of the disease. One shot every three months at $150 bucks a pop, and of course our lovely Canadian government doesn’t cover it.
I am extremely nervous about the procedure. Mostly because my worries come from going under anesthesia. I have only gone under once when I lost my child and had to get a DNC and that was awful. I didn’t react well to coming out of it. So I’m a little worried about that, but vs having someone stick a needle in my cervix while I’m awake. My anxiety right now is through the roof!
I will keep everyone posted on the outcome. Wish me the best of luck. I won’t be going in until after monkey comes back from camp. He’s going this week and made me promise no surgery till he’s home. He’s really scared for me, my sweet little boy. I keep telling him I’ll be fine.
Truth is though I hate this and don’t want to do it. I cry about it, the whole thing. I just want my life to go back to normal without worrying about getting older, diseases, health and what not.