It’s a question I always get asked if my parents come over and discover that my DH (Dear Hubby) moved our young son into bed with me just so he could crawl into my son’s single bed to find some comfort and sleep.

Why are we sleeping apart?

The main reason for us is because my husband needs to block out the raging noise from the bear that lives down the hall. See, I snore and I snore badly. So the question often becomes can marriage really last if a couple doesn’t sleep together?

The truth is a couple doesn’t have to sleep together in order to be together. Intimacy, sleep and the overall relationship can be benefitted in many different ways when not sleeping together, and I’ll tell you why.

A couple that doesn’t sleep together can often find getting a more restful sleep improves their overall mood. They don’t wake up wanting to beat each other over the head with a frying pan due to a lack of rest.

What if you had to put a pillow over your head to block out your partner’s snoring. Or worse, tossing and turning because you can’t sleep next to the one you love. It doesn’t mean your marriage or relationship is doomed.

In fact, couples choose not to sleep together for the sake of their marriage and their sanity.

Why do couples choose not to sleep together?

Most couples enjoy sleeping next to one another. Cuddling and snuggling up against each other can bring closeness.

And that’s great if you are both able to find comfort in not only your sleeping positions but the quality of sleep you are getting while spooning next to the one you love.

But what happens if your sleep is disturbed on a nightly basis? Snoring is actually the least of all reasons many couples choose not to sleep together. Here are a few more.

  • one partner goes to sleep earlier than the other
  • one person is violent in their sleep, kicking and punching or acting out while dreaming
  • one person cannot handle being too close to someone (claustrophobic)

What about intimacy for couples who don’t sleep together?

If a couple chooses not to sleep together because they find beneficial for their relationship, there can be a variety of reasons why. Sleep is vitally important to our day.

Without a good night’s sleep, we cannot function and often find ourselves cranky, stressed out and less patient about everything. The decision to sleep apart should be a mutual one.

But intimacy for couples who don’t sleep together doesn’t have to be something they give up.

Couples who sleep apart can still have intimacy and amazing an amazing sex life. They just have to make time for it. Things like cuddling on the sofa during a movie. Or intimate rendezvous meetings where sex and closeness can still be attained without the need of falling asleep in each other’s arms.

Overall, a marriage can last if a couple doesn’t sleep together. Relationships are built on love, trust, communication, and understanding, and that includes getting a restful sleep to enjoy one another.

I’m happy to say DH and I have a strong marriage. Not sleeping together doesn’t change that. In fact, my husband and I have created more moments of intimacy than before we were sleeping next to another. Moments to cuddle, hang-out, talk and reinforce the reasons we fell in love with each other in the first place.

Do you and your partner sleep apart? What are your reasons for not sleeping together? How has it affected your marriage?

P.S. How to prepare yourself for marriage counseling and 5 secrets to making your marriage work

( Photos by Pexels )


  1. RoryBore September 19, 2011 at 12:40 pm

    I've often thought it very weird, not romantic, that 2 people would try to get a good night's rest squished in the same bed!! especially if you are married to a shift worker like me. he's leaving at 4:30 am, he's getting home at 2 am. he's sleeping there all day before night shift — and then I get the bed alone!!?? No – my son tries to crawl in because he knows daddy is at work! uggh.

    I secretly think the Lords and Ladies had it right. LOL

    each to your own chamber, and I bet the nightly visits are hotter!

    1. Jodi Shaw - Site Author September 20, 2011 at 10:44 pm

      that is just too awesome Rory! Thanks so much you made my day 🙂

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