For anyone who has ever been married, you know that no relationship is without a disagreement every now and then. I have been married to my husband for thirteen years and we’ve had our fair share of fights. In fact, I recently learned that couples who don’t have arguments often find themselves more likely to get divorced. So does that mean that bickering in a marriage can be healthy? I think if you follow some tips then yeah, bickering in a marriage can lead to bonding you didn’t expect.
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There is no room for hateful words when arguing in your marriage. Name calling should be a no-go. Nobody likes being talked down to. You can argue without being disrespectful to one another. So choose your words carefully because you cannot take them back. This is your partner. Your friend. Being mean is pointless, even if you don’t argue with one another.
Agree to disagree because it’s nicer than being angry at each other. Sometimes there is no end to an argument. It’s not about winning either. Who cares who waves the white flag first. You agree to disagree because you aren’t going to change one another’s mind, so there is no point in banging your head against a wall. Doing so will get you nowhere and only deteriorate your relationship in the long run. Respect each other’s opinions and thoughts and your communication will go a lot farther.
Sometimes verbally speaking starts a fight so you have to find other ways to communicate. Writing a letter, text or email to share how you feel is better than allowing your feelings to stew inside, ready to burst the moment a conversation begins. Other forms of communication can be effective when trying to get your point across to your loved one. Just stay away from the “You’s” as that is a word that puts people on the defense. Instead, use the word “I” feel this way or “I” feel that way.
Photo by Uroš Jovičić on Unsplash
Try not to bitch about your spouse and all the things they do wrong to your friends or family just because you can. It’s easy to get caught in this trap, but don’t do it. Your partner is supposed to be your best friend. If all you do is speak negatively about them then that is all you feel. Realize there is a difference between venting vs talking bad about your partner.
They say all is fair in love and war but try to not make your bickering a battle you cannot undo. Bickering or disagreeing in your marriage is completely healthy so long as it is done respectfully and without making the other person feel like crap in the process. Holding on to the past only causes heartache. So talk things out. Just be mindful on how you go about it.