For anyone who has ever been married, you know that no relationship is without a disagreement every now and then. I have been married to my husband for thirteen years and we’ve had our fair share of fights. In fact, I recently learned that couples who don’t have arguments, often find themselves more likely to get divorced. That bickering in a marriage can actually keep a marriage strong.
You have to be careful how you fight though.
Watch your words: because words have an impact more than we realize. No just what we say but how we say things. There is no room for hateful words when bickering in a marriage. Name calling should be a no-go. Nobody likes being talked down to. You can argue without being disrespectful to one another. So choose your words carefully because you cannot take them back.
3 tips to remember when bickering with your partner
- Try to remember that this is your partner, your best friend, your lover, and the person who is standing beside you until the end of time.
- Being mean is pointless. It serves no purpose other than to put the other person down.
- You don’t always have to agree on everything. Agree to disagree if you can’t find a solution.
Sometimes there is no end to an argument. Ladies, are you listening? We have a tendency to want things resolved, but life doesn’t always work that way. Try to remember your man has feelings just like you do.
And Men, it’s not about winning, keeping score, or important to know who’s right or wrong. This is your woman. She is special and shouldn’t be made fun of or made to feel as though she is dumb.
So just agree to disagree, and respect each other’s opinions because you won’t change one another’s mind. There is no point in banging your head against a brick wall. In the end, you’ll only be hurting the one you love.
Be open to other Forms of Communication
Sometimes verbally speaking starts a fight, so you have to find other ways to communicate. Writing a letter, text or email to share how you feel is better than allowing your feelings to stew inside, ready to burst the moment a conversation begins.
Other forms of communication can be effective when trying to get your point across to your loved one. Just stay away from the “You’s” as that is a word that puts people on the defense. Instead, use the word “I” feel this way or “I” feel that way.
Try not to bitch about your spouse and all the things you feel they do wrong just because you can, especially in front of them to others. It’s easy to get caught in this trap. Don’t do it.
Realize there is a difference between venting and talking bad about your partner and above all ask yourself– “How would you feel if your partner did this to you?”
Healthy Do’s and Unhealthy Don’ts When Bickering in Marriage
- Do acknowledge how your partner feels and what they say.
- Don’t tell your partner they are wrong for feeling a certain way.
- Do remind your partner you don’t agree with them but love them anyway.
- Don’t take away your love because you don’t agree with something your partner has said.
- Do stick to the facts of the disagreement or argument.
- Don’t bring up past events or wrong-doings. Keep the past in the past.
- Do stay calm and talk respectfully when arguing.
- Don’t yell, scream, call names, put down, or verbally abuse your partner.
- Do walk away if tension is too high to come back later and talk it over.
- Don’t leave and go somewhere your partner can’t find you, that is not respectful or loving to make your partner worry about you while you are gone.
- Do respect your partner when they say– “I can’t talk about this right now.”
- Don’t push and push a subject until you get what you want as this will mentally abuse your partner in the long run.
- Do remember that nobody is perfect (even you) and all the reasons you love your partner.
- Don’t focus on all the things you don’t like about your partner, this breeds negativity in a relationship. So stay away from it.
- Do learn how to say — “I’m sorry.” For your part in the argument.
- Don’t lay blame because it’s pointless.
They say all is fair in love and war but try to not make bickering a battle you cannot undo. Bickering or disagreeing in your marriage is completely healthy so long as it is done respectfully and without making the other person feel like crap in the process.
Holding on to the past only causes heartache. So talk things out. Just be mindful of how you go about doing it, and always try to keep your partner’s feelings in mind.