So there I am at 12:20 eating a piece of fried chicken, typing and surfing on the net, when I’m trolling friends on Facebook and I came across one of the best fricken posts I’ve ever read. Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls … So I Will.
I wasn’t sure I wanted to read the article at first. I mean I’m fat. Do I really want to read another article on someone telling me why I should not be fat, why I’m ugly, why I’m unworthy? Grabbing another piece of crunchy deep-fried chicken because yes I am hungry and don’t care. I decided to dive and read what this blogger had to say. And I have to tell you… before the article was even over, I’d laughed, cried and felt more connected to this person than I had anyone in a very long time, and I don’t even know her!
You’re allowed to fall in love with yourself. I promise. This will be the scariest thing you will ever do, and that’s okay. It will also be the most amazing (albeit super gradual) experience you will ever have. It doesn’t make you narcissistic. It doesn’t make you vain. It is liberating in every form of the word. — Jes Baker Militant Baker
Jes’ article goes into explaining things “fat girls” often feel about things, such as how being lifted won’t put someone in a wheelchair, and that everyone, even skinny women have rolls — so embrace the rolls and move on. She even goes into how flabby arms are fabulous, and fat chicks have sex with hot guys — plus more!
The more I read, the more I felt connected to Jes because everything she wrote were all things I have felt at one point or another in my life being fat, and the one thing I realized after reading this article, and a few others Jes wrote, is that I’m not always being true to myself. Not always. I let my weight make me feel down. I allow how I look to keep me sheltered at times. I allow at times what others think about me and how I look to dictate how I feel. And it’s something Jes made me understand I need to work on.
Do you know how many times my dad talks to me about my weight? I’ve lost count over the years. I grew up chubby, learning that women are only pretty or beautiful if they look that way. Sure I was told I was beautiful “on the inside”, I’m a great person with a great personality, funny as hell and make people feel good about themselves, easy to talk to, smart and creative. But never beautiful! Never! And so it became just standard acceptance for me to be who I am, as good as I can be, stuck in this body.
Stuck? Wait a minute. I am not stuck. I am not doing anything about being fat. I’m sitting here eating chicken. So why when my dad talks to me about losing weight because it’s better for my health, better for my life, so I don’t have a heart attack. Why don’t I do something about it?
Because what I’m really hearing and have always heard is “You are ugly, no good, disgusting and unacceptable the way you look and we do not accept you in this body you chose to live with.” That’s what I hear.
Now not knocking my dad. He’s a great father. He was never abusive, and loved me growing up, supported me in everything I did. His words are not just his, they are everyone’s “the majority” of people in society who carry this belief that love is to be given based on approval by someone else. I never grew up with the understanding that love comes from loving yourself — first. That’s it. Period.
I haven’t always been fat. In fact there were two times in my life where I was at my “proper” doctor recommended body weight. The first time I was in my teens, and almost immediately gained my weight back. Why? To be brutally honest it hit me like a ton a bricks. There I was walking to school in my skinny jeans (size 6) yes I can say I wore those. I had on a cute little frilly top, when these two greasy haired garbage men suddenly whistled at me, hollered at me how sexy I was, and instead of feeling flattered and OMG someone was paying attention to me. I felt like literally throwing up! I did not like the attention, nor how it made me feel. Suddenly people who had never spoken to me before were trying to become my friend. Why? Because I suddenly fit the part in their perfect societal role of how life should be?
So instead of feeling great about myself for being healthier, I felt like a piece of meat and went back to being fat, being comfortable in my skin, being me. I accepted it and was okay with not being the most popular, well liked, or beautiful in the eyes of the lord who think skinny wins.
The second time in my life I lost weight, I was in my thirties. I was a single mom and looking for my one true love. I had lost over 100lbs of myself and felt amazing. Not because I had lost weight, but I had entered a phase in my life where I FELT good about myself for who I was not how I looked. I just happened to look really good because chasing after a five-year old who kept trying to find me a husband was exhausting, and living two blocks from the beach kept me occupied and enjoying the outdoors. That’s when I met my husband.
Now in the ten years I’ve been married, my husband has seen me at all different weights. Through the birth of our child, I gained weight. The loss of our daughter, I gained weight. Dealing with our baby being born with disabilities, I gained more weight. Having to quit work, become a caregiver, look after everything and take care of my husband as well because he has a brain injury. Read about it here, and here. I gained weight.
But over the years I have realized my weight doesn’t bother me. Not really. I mean okay being honest, it bothers me only because it’s unhealthy, but not because I don’t think I’m not beautiful, unworthy, fugly or that being fat somehow makes my life miserable. It doesn’t. It bothers me because I can’t run. I can’t walk up the stairs. I can’t chase my son around. But it’s up to me to change and not because society wants me to, or my dad thinks I should. It’s up to me to change because I want to.
That’s what I love about the article Jes wrote and all her articles. She is focused on being fat, being beautiful, body image, but only because the message she is trying to send is that big is beautiful, embrace it, know it, live it, love it. Love you! And that is a great message to promote.
So the next time someone tells you that you are fat. They are not telling you anything you don’t already know. They aren’t putting you down, because you are already aware you are fat. You live in your body. Are they stupid? Do they really think they are going to hit you where it hurts by pointing out what they think is wrong with you? Well — only if you let them.
So don’t! Love who you are, skinny or fat, be yourself, love yourself and embrace all you have to offer this world both inside and out. Because if you don’t — you can lose all the weight in the world and honestly — it won’t make a damn bit of difference if you don’t love yourself.
Now excuse me while I go and eat a big cup Reese peanut butter cup. Why? Well because I like them. I want one. I need a chocolate fix. I have my period. I had a bad day. Take your pick. I’m fat. I accept it. Why can’t you?