In the world of love and marriage. Today did not go very well. I hate to fight with my husband, but it is something that does tend to happen occasionally. I mean, we are human. We have a lot on our plate. Hubby with a brain injury. Me with bipolar disorder. Not to mention our youngest with mental and physical impairments. Tack on the shit load life hands you — and bam! Instant reason to have an argument for the sake of venting would be considered normal.
Did I mention we aren’t normal?
When I fight with my husband it’s usually for one reason and one reason only. Loving a person with a traumatic brain injury ain’t easy, and sometimes I want to crack open his skull and ask the three little men inside what the bloody hell they are doing sleeping on the job, and why they wish to make my life so damn difficult?
The brain is a command station to the ship we fly each and everyday day. So what happens when the command station gets swiped by a meteor? The ship can’t travel to its destination or fly right. That’s kinda how the brain operates. It controls our whole body which works like a command station. When it gets hurt, the wrong signals are sent to the body or sometimes no signals at all, thus causing trouble for the person to operate properly.
In hubby’s case, his command center was struck hard rendering him useless in the memory section of his ship. Basically, he goes to sleep every night and forgets everything that happens the night before. When he wakes up, he requires constant reminding throughout the day on what was said by him or others, where he went, things we did and can become confused easily remembering things that never actually happened.
Now imagine parenting this way?
Yeah, it’s not easy to parent with a brain injury. I’m a mom. My brain functions just fine, and some days in the parenting department I want to abandon ship. So, I cannot even imagine the difficulty hubby faces in parenting while trying to remember all the do’s and don’t’s of parenting.
Sometimes hubby gets angry at the kids for something that happened yesterday or even a month ago. He thinks it’s something the kids just did because his brain gets a trigger reminding him of the event, even though what happened was in the past. This makes parenting difficult, especially for the kids. It also makes hubby feel horrible as a parent.
Most parents rise above their child’s rudeness, examine the situations, check the age factor, recognize their child’s limitations and often evaluate why their child is behaving a certain way before just responding, dealing with things accordingly. For someone like hubby, having a Traumatic brain injury is like watching sibling rivalry at its finest.
I often end up playing referee between hubby and my son.
Reactions for Parents With A Brain Injury
- Emotional for no reason
- Don’t recognize age differences, often acting like a child themselves.
- Extreme anger and resentment that goes beyond the situation.
- Forgetting, yet blaming their forgetfulness on the person they are angry with.
- Lack of patience and understanding for the situation.
My hubby is a great person. He’s unique and loving and strong, and most days can handle things like a champ. Better than even I can. If you are loving someone with a Traumatic Brain Injury just remember it’s not going to be easy.
Loving someone with a TBI means taking things one day at a time. Stepping outside your comfort zone, and understanding that how you see things isn’t always how a person with a brain injury sees them. Having the right support, love and understanding is important, especially during parenting.
Note: If you are a caregiver to someone with a TBI please weight in how you cope with things. Share your experiences below. I’d love to hear from you.