A good friend told us about a month ago that my hubs and I were an inspiration to him. He said he hoped one day he could have a relationship and love like ours. It was a wonderful compliment, especially since hubs and I have only been married for ten years. Not far by any means, really.We also both have sets of friends struggling in their love lives. And it got both of us thinking.
- Why do some relationships work and some don’t?
- Do people really just get lucky enough to find their perfect partner?
- Is it really just up to chance, fate or some divine intervention?
Ya, we didn’t think so either. Which is why we sat in the car talking, hubs and I. And we came up with some key points as to what makes a relationship work, and why after ten years together, 3 boys, loss of a child, life after ex’s, in-laws, money troubles, and various other bumps and blisters on the road we’ve traveled.
Our marriage is extremely healthy, sexually, emotionally and mentally. We also discovered one main truth, both of agreed on whole-heartedly. You need to understand the opposite sex before you can even begin to ask them to understand you!
Rule # 1.) Listening is the Most Important Thing. Sure guys make jokes about pretending to listen, but in all honesty. Listening is key if you want your woman to love you. She has things to say, and whether those things are important to you or not. Having you listen and care about what she’s talking about. Well that’s a great way to not only connect with her, but actually make her feel important and that she matters.
Rule #2.) Don’t Be Mr. Fix it! One thing my wife loves about me is that when she is upset I know it. But I also don’t try to fix it. Why? Because honestly I wouldn’t even know where to start. I am not a handyman of the heart. I’m just her man. So fella’s don’t think because she’s talking to you, sharing, upset, can’t figure things out that she needs you to rush and save her. Just go back to Rule #1 and trust, she’ll love you for it.
Rule #3.) Your Partner is Your Best Friend! That’s right I said it. In fact I even wrote about here. She’s your best friend guys, and so she should be. She’s the one that understands why you have to leave whiskers in the sink, or the toilet seat up. Why you have to watch Nascar on Sunday’s — even when she thinks it’s like watching paint dry. She is the one who makes you want to be a better person, father, husband, brother and son. She is the one who knows you better than you know yourself. Brad Paisley sang it “She’s Everything.” So guys trust me when I say — learn this rule, love this rule, live this rule. Because at the end of the day. You’re best friend is the only one you really need!
Rule # 1.) Be Honest. Okay ladies I know you think you are honest, but you aren’t. Women constantly worry about saying and doing the wrong thing in their relationships, and they worry what their partner will think. But honestly nobody likes head games, especially men. Your man does not have super powers. He cannot read mind. So why on earth do you expect him to read yours? Don’t assume he knows what you are thinking, or that he even should. Tell it like it is. One thing hubs loves about me is that I’m free to share what I think when I think it. But also, I don’t make him play the guessing him. If you are angry tell him. If he’s upset you tell him. If he isn’t pleasing you properly, you aren’t getting the help you need, or he’s not listening the way you want. TELL HIM! By being honest you are free to fly in your relationship without walking on eggshells and confusing the man you love along way.
Rule #2.) He’s going to Screw up so Accept it! Yep I know. My gosh a guy screwing something up. Well duh! He’s human ain’t he? So are you. So going into it, know and understand both of you are going to make mistakes. You are going to say and do things to each other that might not be nice. Men don’t usually mean to do the wrong thing. They want to please us (most of them) and try really hard to do so. So cut him some slack. Talk about the issues that are important, and by realizing ahead of time it’s going to happen and throwing your “Don’t hurt me” rules out the window, you are in line for a successful relationship and marriage!
Rule #3.) Sing His Praises. This one is important!!! I can’t tell you how many women don’t tell their partners when they do something right. It’s like we are predestined to just point out what we aren’t getting or need. Which is all fine and dandy. But like us, men want to be needed and loved. Tell him he’s a good husband, lover, partner. Men have the same feelings we do. So don’t make your man feel unappreciated, and remember to show him that you care about him caring about you!
Rule #4.) Just Let it Go and Find Happiness. Yes women we have 4 rules to follow. Why? Because this last one is a doozy. Don’t hold a grudge. Women are famous for holding grudges. Come on, admit it — we are. During a fight we can pick out 90 different things he’s done wrong, when they happened, how and honestly probably the time of day the offense occurred. Holding grudges does nothing to help your marriage or relationship. So talk about it and move on. Don’t bring old crap from the past into your discussions. Try to stick to the topic at hand and you’re sure to find happiness with your man.
Rules are important in life. We have them for our kids to teach them right from wrong. So why not in our marriage. Whether it’s not using the word DIVORCE (which you shouldn’t) or letting things lie, honoring an agreement to talking about what matters to you both. Love and Marriage go hand in hand and to really be in the best and healthiest of each — you have to treat each other with respect, love, understanding, patience, forgiveness and trust.
Hugs & Kisses!
Jodi & Corey