Can a marriage last if a couple doesn’t sleep together?


“Where’s Corey?”

“Upstairs sleeping, in Trace’s room.”

That is the standard answer to which I roll my eyes because once again my husband has moved our five year old to put him in bed with me, so he can crawl into a single bed and try to find some comfort and block  himself away from the big bad bear that lives down the hall.

Yes, I snore! What’s your Point?

Okay, apparently I don’t just snore, I make a noise that has caused my neighbor to close all her windows at night.  Force my husband to wear earplugs and sleep with a pillow over his head to block out the sound. Cause my children to laugh their asses off because they have recorded me and now I’m on youtube.  Just google “things that sound like a bear but aren’t” you’ll find me.

Today I came to the conclusion that despite how badly I wish all who live with me could avail their ears. They cannot and the boys cannot keep getting their sleep interrupted while daddy searches for a small corner to curl up in while desperately seeking some peace.


That’s why we have decided that daddy needs his own room!

Now I won’t lie.  I’m pissed about this.  When I got married, I wanted to sleep snuggling, or at least touch feet with my equal partner snoozing next to me.  However life sometimes throws you into a ring of fire, and you have to either A) Jump through it or B) Burn baby burn!

Look out — watch me leap!

I realize there are many reasons married couples don’t actually sleep in the same beds.  Snoring is the least of the reasons.  Sometimes one partner sleeps longer than the other person or goes to bed earlier.  Sometimes partners fight while sleeping, dream heavily and kick and punch each other.  (Thank God that’s not me) and sometimes it’s because a person cannot handle sleeping with another person next to them.

The key to making this adjustment, no matter what your reasons are to realize that sleep is important for all parties involved.  It keeps you less cranky and can actually reduce not create stress in the marriage from a lack of shut-eye.  The decision should be mutual and just because a couple isn’t sleeping in the same bed doesn’t mean they don’t have a healthy sex life.

So now I have to figure out how to tell the boys they are going back to sharing a room, something I know JJ is going to hate.  What 12-year-old wants to share his room with a 5-year-old?  But what choice do we have? We only have three bedrooms right now and cannot afford anything else.

I’m not particularly happy about this decision but I know that sleep is important, especially for FD because of his brain injury.  He needs sleep in order to be mentally prepared to be both a husband and father.  But I’m going to make the best of it.

Can a marriage last if a couple doesn’t sleep together?

Hell yes!  I didn’t marry my husband because of his great cuddling ability.  I married him because he loves me right. He makes me feel loved each and every day, no matter what room of the house we snooze in – together or not. He’s still my best friend, makes me laugh, puts up with my crap and is there for both me and the boys. Sleeping in the same room or not doesn’t change any of that.

I’m happy to say it’s now years later, my oldest is 17 and my youngest is now 10. Corey and I still sleep apart and celebrated twelve years married to one another. Our marriage is stronger than ever. So you see it doesn’t matter if you sleep together or not. As long as you make time for one another, cuddle, watch a movie, talk often about things. That’s all that matters. 

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  1. I've often thought it very weird, not romantic, that 2 people would try to get a good night's rest squished in the same bed!! especially if you are married to a shift worker like me. he's leaving at 4:30 am, he's getting home at 2 am. he's sleeping there all day before night shift — and then I get the bed alone!!?? No – my son tries to crawl in because he knows daddy is at work! uggh.

    I secretly think the Lords and Ladies had it right. LOL

    each to your own chamber, and I bet the nightly visits are hotter!

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